Today I learned that hospitals are sad and scary places.

Today I learned that most doctors really have no bedside manner.

Today I cried out of sheer panic.

Today I sat and stared for a cumulative 5-6 hours.

Today I waited in a room with people as their family members died.

Today I was thankful that my family member wasn’t dying.

M. had his first brain operation today.  It went very well, but it has been a day of ups and downs.  They were able to shrink his AVM significantly.  What that means for future operations is still uncertain.  We know that he is stable and might even be able to go home in the next two days.  I’ve gotten to visit with him several times and he looks good, though I know he is in some pain.

I hope tomorrow is better, that he is more comfortable, and the doctors have good news for us.  Tonight I hope to get some sleep (likely on the floor of the waiting room).  My stomach is in a knot and I want more that anything to go running right now.  Just to be out of this waiting room in the fresh air.  I want to be as exhausted physically as I am mentally, to let my mind be quiet while my body moves, to be free and away just for a moment.


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